Many of us have been cheated on once (or maybe more) in our lives. We’ve experienced being cheated on by somebody we devoted our whole lives to. We thought of the future with the person. But turned out, he’s a big D.
We’ve been there. We’ve been blindsided by their cheating escapades and made us believe that they were too loyal to even take a glimpse at a chic passing by. The worst part? We actually believed them. We allowed them to fool us. We were busy swooning over the person that we totally and unconsciously let them hurt us. And when the bitter truth has finally unfold, we felt the whole world crumbling down on us. We got furious at the person and at ourselves. We couldn’t even eat because the rage was consuming us enough to block any cravings that comes to mind. We felt betrayed and embarrassed. We then resort to self-pity, thinking how we aren’t good enough for someone we imagined our entire future with. Others turn to drugs, alcohol and the saddest part, some even commit suicide.
You see, heartbreak is never easy. It’s the kind of pain that haunts us for a while. It could take a toll on us if we’d let it. Imagine getting used to someone you basically do everything with, and just like that, he fell out of love and went off with someone else. It is absolutely horrifying. The experience is scathing enough for others to be afraid to trust other people again.
But as I grew older, I realized that it’s a turning point in my life that led me towards greater things. Yes, I felt rejected, betrayed and trampled. That was the time when I felt the ugliest. There were times when I’d look at the mirror and question my choices. I was always shy around people. I was gullible. I constantly craved for his validation. I wanted to impress him all the time. I wanted to be the girl for him. I was living in his shadow. And because of that, I lost all of what’s left from my already crushed self-esteem. I literally loathe myself for a while. I wallowed in self-pity for weeks.
But then, it dawned on me that life is full of endless choices. Either I let it consume me or I decide to get back up and stop moping over someone who only wasted my precious time. What would you do if it were you? The ball my dear, is in your court.
But let me tell you this : It may be the silliest idea I could come up with but I still want to put it out there. One word. FORGIVE.
I know, I know. It’s easier said than done. It’s difficult to forget when you see all their sweet photos on social media. You tend to fall into depression once you see them again. You sulk back in the corner and question your life. You hear from your common friends about how happy they are and that ticks you off to no end. You feel left out. You feel alone. But the thing is, for us to be able to forgive the person who hurt us, we have to go through the normal process. We have to grieve. Feel all the negative emotions. Cry and mope for days. Allow yourself to feel how badly broken you are. Weep. Go crazy if you must. But don’t let it stay with you forever. Feel the pain and bask in it. Let the hurt consume you until it hurts no more.
And when the time comes, you’ll feel elated and free! That’s exactly how I felt when I finally came to my senses that my worth doesn’t depend on how he sees me and who I am to him. I went out with friends who showered me with so many compliments about who I am and how I look. I decided to feel my “brokenness” and open myself to people who cares about my emotional well-being. I grieved and found out that I learned a lot along the way. I came out braver, smarter and a woman full of wisdom. I allowed my shattered self-esteem to grow better and heal itself.
As Selena Gomez put it, you don’t have to stay broken. But allow yourself to acknowledge the pain the person has inflicted on you. The sooner you openly go through the hurting process, the easier it will be for you to move forward. As soon as you’re done with all the moping and sulking, get back up. Force yourself to get off your bed and inhale your freedom. You have to consciously choose to move on from the person. Moving on is never easy if you won’t let it.
So, go get a new haircut, detach yourself from your common friends for a while and unfollow his relatives on social media. The more you stalk, the harder it will be to forget. Reconnect with your friends whom you haven’t seen in ages because you were too preoccupied with your douche of an Ex-boyfriend. Organize a meetup with your girl friends and just hang out. Talk to them about the storm you had to go through and be honest with how you feel. Trust me, there’s nothing a good heart to heart talk can cure. Do not jump into dating right away. It will just be a disaster. Give it a few months or until you’re ready. Focus on pampering yourself and put your heart in making your career life even more successful. Do not be defensive and deny the grieving process. Trying to sidestep the pain will hurt you even more.
And lastly, forgive yourself and forgive the person. When I say forgive, I don’t mean reconcile and exchange messages with him. I meant, forgive him for what he did and move forward. Being angry for a long time will never ever help you. It will only aggravate you even more. Grudges takes the life out of you. You’d become heartless, selfish and it doesn’t make you any different from the person who hurt you. Take the high road and choose to let go. Staying mad at him will affect your career and your relationship with the people around you.
Forgiveness is never easy. It is a crucial and gradual process. However, it is absolutely doable. It’s just a matter of how you make your life choices. Choose to forgive. One day you will look back, and you’ll be amazed by how well you handled the hurdles and survived. You will find a new love and that love will make the past irrelevant because you are meant to meet someone who matches your loyalty and energy.
Forgive your cheating ex. You will be happy that you did. Because forgiveness is also freedom. Freeing yourself from the poison of heartbreak. Freeing yourself from becoming someone you don’t want to be. And also, freeing yourself from a love you do not deserve. Forgive. It’s a priceless gift you can render yourself as much as it is to him. The world has so much to look forward to. Do not let one person hold you back from becoming the awesome human being you ought to be.